What made you stop being an addict?

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

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Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

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There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

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I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

Why did my ex move on so quickly?

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

How do I get off Paxil?

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

Had strong anxiety, heart palpitations, headaches and fear randomly over twin flame presence, 20 mins later he didnt acknowledge me saw a photo of a girl on the back of his phone faced up. Assume it was a new gf. Was this a warning of seperation?

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

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I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

Just keep trying

This was February 2019.

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I did it in my administrator's office.

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

Read that again ☝️

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

And I can also talk to them now.